warikoo Wanderings

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SHARED EXPERIENCES

Do you have friends?
Really close ones?
Chances are they are from your school or college.
Why is that?
Why do we end up not making as fierce or as intense a friendship later, as we do early on in our lives?

You might argue it is because we are early in our lives, we have known them for the longest, etc.
But then - it is ALSO very common to realize that we have outgrown our school or college friends.
We don't relate to them anymore.
We are either not in touch with them, or even if we call them friends chances are we are in it just for politeness sake!

What actually makes a relationship work?
The most important thing in my opinion is what I call - SHARED EXPERIENCES.

Think about it - every relationship ultimately is about sharing experiences.
Doing things together, realizing you have experienced something together.
Not just friendship - every relationship.
The one you have with your parents, your siblings, your friends, your batchmates, your colleagues.

The nature of your relationship is, thus, an outcome of these shared experiences. Specifically two things:

1. The duration of these shared experiences - clearly, the longer you have had them, the likelier it is for you to have a good relationship.
   But this isn't enough - because as we realized earlier - there are enough relationships where we have known each other for a long time but do not relate to the person anymore.
   So there must be something else at play too.
2. Your interpretation of those shared experiences and whether they are similar to the other person's interpretation.
   Think about it - we all have different interpretations (whether good or bad) about events happening in our lives.
   However, if those interpretations are in conflict with that of the other side - that's a problem right there!

Here is a trivial example.
Let's say when you were young, you and your then best friend went to a book stall. And you ended up stealing a book from there.
You know, just for fun!
It was a shared experience.
Back then - both of you joked about it, thought it was really cool, it was fun. All those things.
Now that you are grown up, you look back at that incident and your interpretation of that moment is guilt and embarrassment. You are NOT proud of who you were back then.
Your friend, on the other hand, thinks you were awesome, bold, courageous, a rebel.
Same shared experience - dramatically different interpretations.

Now extend it to anything.

You and your manager shared an experience.
You felt you gave it your best.
Your manager felt it was lazy work!
It doesn't take a genius to conclude - this shared experience is going to hamper the relationship.

You and your parents shared an experience.
You wanted to take a gap year to explore.
Your parents felt it was stupid to do so.
That's a shared experience which will weaken the relationship.

Summarized

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​The key to making relationships healthy is then two-fold:
1. Have as many shared experiences as possible
2. If these experiences have divergent interpretations, then communicate. That is the ONLY WAY.

What we end up doing instead, is shut down those shared experiences.
"I do not want to talk about this ever" == "This shared experience did not happen ever"
Which means, the strength of the relationship has weakened.

Do not shut down communication in relationships.
Have that hard talk.
Save that relationship, if you truly care about it.

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BOOK I AM READING THIS WEEK

Still reading Cold Steel (it's a long book) - which is the takeover story of Mittal Steel (Lakshmi Mittal) taking over Arcelor.
Brilliantly fast paced book. Loving it so far!
I am also excited about the next few books I have purchased and will pick next. More when I share my current read next week :)

Do Epic Shit is FINALLY in audio (yay!).
​I had an awesome time recording it in my voice and it is exclusively on Audible.
If you are into audiobooks - consider listening to this one :)​
​adbl.co/doepicshit​

If you prefer printed books then pick up the book in English (Hardcover, Paperback, Kindle) Hindi, Marathi and Tamil.
200,000+ copies sold.
5 more languages coming up! (Including Portuguese)

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QUOTES TO SHARE

You are never going to respect yourself until you are angry at someone else for taking it away.
​​(Share on Twitter)​​

You cannot make someone love you by giving them more of something they do not appreciate.
​​(Share on Twitter)​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Only you truly know how much you are struggling. Everyone else just sees the results.
​​(Share on Twitter)​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

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RESPONSES TO LAST WEEK'S QUESTION

Last week I asked you:

Do you know what's special about you?

1. Yes
2. Not yet
3. Nothing special about me

Here are the responses:

Observations:

• It is clear. As we age, we eventually realize what is special about us.
• And that is frankly the only thing I wanted to prove through this survey.
• If you are young, and struggling that you do not what sets you apart, what is your passion, what is special about you - it is not something you will just find. It is something you will grow, nurture and realize over time!
• Give it time. You have time :)

My response?
I know what is special about me. That I know myself really well. And I can sit with my own thoughts and work through my own feelings. That is a superpower :)

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PICTURE OF THE WEEK

This Saturday we went to Qutub Minar Complex in Delhi for our heritage walk. I hadn't been to the monument before (crazy, staying in Delhi for 40+ years!) and it was just stunning, particularly at night.
Of course the history of the place is so rich - which so many centuries and their stories embedded in this small area. A must visit, especially with a heritage walker!

Every week Ruchi and I go for a lunch together. Here is one from this week, which I particularly liked. I rarely share personal pics, so take this as an exception :)

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Which is the best quarter of the year for you, mostly?
​Reason could be anything - weather, money wise, mood wise, health wise.

1. Jan-Feb-Mar
2. Apr-May-Jun
3. Jul-Aug-Sep
4. Oct-Nov-Dec

​​Click here to let me know your answer (anonymously)​​​​​

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CONTENT I SHARED THIS WEEK

Podcast:​
Who are you?
​Spotify, Amazon Music, Google Podcast, Apple Podcast, JioSaavn, Gaana or YouTube.

YouTube:​
21 ways to win at your job
​You can watch it here.​

Instagram:​
3 ways you impress people
​You can watch it here.​

Twitter:​
10 Toxic behaviors that people exhibit
​You can read it here.​

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You can, of course, always write to me by simply replying to this newsletter.

I love reading all your emails, even though I may not be able to reply to them all.
Yes! I READ ALL MY EMAILS. ALL OF THEM.
​​​(Navratri mein poori halwa chole khate rehna, khate rehna, khate rehna - ki kasam!)

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